Tuesday, September 04, 2007

whatever happened to the revolution?


so I’m sitting here in a house barely four years old, at this flash new computer, flat screen xp windows (pirated of course) listening to the toe cutter cd I bought in Melbourne on the weekend, just started work on an article for a glossy mag, pile of books next to me (again purchased on the weekend trip to Melbourne) cds teetering on the shelf on the right (all country or alt country – my latest “thing”) feeling all anarchic and revolutionary and wondering whether I’ve got time for a coffee before I pick up my daughter from school. (One more stamp and I’m eligible for a free cuppa!) I’ve been checking my email spasmodically as I await word on whether an interview I did on the weekend will get into another glossy (thus paying for my spending frenzy in melb) and I’m just thinking… wow man, you are so alternative in yr sun ra t-shirt, with yr gacy paintings and yr chomsky diatribes and yr oh so witty angry old man routine… I tell you some days I’m so cool I freeze myself out! But the question is… what do I do instead? I’m too fucking comfortable to give this up, especially since I don’t actually pay for a lot of it. I work sort of as a freelance writer in between writing Bukowski knock offs and vacuuming the floors, but I’m really a housewife when it gets down to it. I do the dishes, cooking, cleaning, nose wiping etc… the wife has the corporate job, the car, the perks… I walk or ride the bike, do the shopping, get my daughter ready for school… yep, I abhor the “system” yet I make my daughter go to school each day and then try and undo the damage done later… I’m not a leftie as such cos I hate the hippies but I sure as shit aint right wing either…I’d like to save the world but I’m only prepared to put in a token effort, nothing too taxing, expensive or that will take me out of my comfort zone, you understand. I get totally fucked off at the way the arts scene takes the piss out of bogans and westies and country hicks but I’m no longer a bogan anyway and they scare me too sometimes. I hate the glass teat but we have a motherfucking bigscreen hd tv in the lounge and I’ll suckle on it with the best of them…even though I believe nothing they tell me. I don’t trust either side’s opinions anymore. Religion scares me yet I find myself every now and then offering a silent prayer to god or heysuez or the devil to get me out of some fix I’ve got myself into. I have no alternatives to offer yet I’m constantly bagging the current status quo. I think today’s muzak sucks but I hate nostalgia for its own sake and I have no taste/too much taste/bad filtering anyhoo. I haven’t read the “greats” but I pretend I have.

I hate other people’s opinions but I constantly seek them out to confirm my own. I think myspace/ blogs/ facespace whatever the hell it is a waste of time and money and just an advertising tool but fuck it, I still have a site and I check it constantly. (hell I’ll probably post this there)

I’d like to think I was a sociopath but unfortunately I’m too much of a softie. I’m not a misogynist but I am unashamedly heterosexual, which let’s face it, is just an excuse anyway.

But then hell I’m the housewife so how does that work anyway? I’ve discovered over the years that just being comfortably white makes me racist. I don’t mean to be, its just there sort of underneath. Like the fear those arty types have of bogans I guess, that’s the fear I have of other cultures, other races, hell anyone else who isn’t on the same page as me. I understand things need fixing but I’m too lazy, too tired, too old, too comfortable, too scared, too… something… to do anything much about it. Lets face it, I’m just a bad tempered, ill advised, poorly educated boofheaded bum. If I was an American I’d probably be a serial killer. Instead I’m a sort of pseudo-bogan/pissant intellectual house dad. Just who the hell am I trying to please? Whoever it is, they ain’t coming forward and I’m going backwards.

Christ on a crutch, I might just break out that new Suckdog dvd I picked up, watch it while I finish my protein drink and pretend I’ve achieved something for the day before I start on tea. That’s probably the best I can do right now anyway.



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