Kill her mummy...kill her

Jason Vorhees has always been my favourite wood stalking, machete wielding, blue-balled masked psycho killer and that’s probably because F13 was one of the first, if not the first, R rated slasher flicks I ever saw. I can still remember taking down the P plates (a dead giveaway that y’re underage) before entering the Starline Drive-In in Millicent in my parents' Ford Escort to see Friday The 13th. I was alone that night, don’t know where my mates were, probably had other things to do like girls or homework, but I was there. I was 17, underage and alone in my car watching as the Vorhees saga unfolded. I had no idea what I was in for, of why I had chosen this particular movie but the tv ads must have been good, though I also have a vague memory of seeing an article in Famous Monsters I think though where I would have found a copy of that in country South Australia is beyond me. As soon as those first throats were slit though I knew I was in a whole new world. I’d been brought up on Hammer Horror and late night 60’s horror flicks but nothing I’d seen had prepared me for the grue, realism, the unflinching matter of factness of Tom Savini’s special fx.
The roller coaster ride had begun and I sat there, screaming, flinching, open mouthed, slack jawed and knowing that I’d stumbled onto something that was going to be with me forever. I was amazed and then just as it was all over, Jason pops out of the fucking water!
I know nowadays we all expect the surprise ending, the villain to get up again, all that stuff and we rarely get caught out by it but I don’t mind admitting that when that little mongoloid fuck popped up and grabbed the boat I squealed like a kid. That night the wet stain on the front of my pants was a spilled coke.
(and of course the irony is that Jason wasn’t even the killer in that first flick… but hell I won’t worry about that smallish detail… it was still a Vorhees after all. Christ he didn’t even do the hockey mask ‘til the 3rd flick but he’ll always be hockey head to me)
I was hooked on splatter after that night and luckily the Starline was too. I was at just the right age, at just the right time and most weekends there seemed to be a splatter/stalker flick on—Happy Birthday To Me, The Burning, My Bloody Valentine, Slumber Party Massacre… some were good, some were crap—(Humungous anyone?) but they were all on the big screen with tits the size of yr head, axes as big as yr car, blood pouring out everywhere, girls screaming, beer being spilled, fingers getting stinky… let me tell you, it was the only way to watch ‘em kiddies, the only way.
Oddly enough when Jason Vs Freddy came out I found myself once again alone when I went to see it. But this time I was totally alone, there was no one else in the cinema at all! Yep, that’s right, nada, nil, zip, zilch… just me and my choctop. Hell, if I’d known it was gonna be like that I woulda snuck in a hipflask. So I picked the best seat in the house, sat back and watched my hockey head hero rip heads off, shit down necks, cry like a baby and beat the fuck out of that glove wearing goose Freddy the Franchise. (and can you imagine the meetings that went on when they were trying to decide which character should be the ‘hero’ - the psycho zombie killer or the child molester? It’s the only time Jason has ever looked like the ‘good’ guy!) I tell you, I had a ball—cheering hockey head, watching the grue in big screen wide arse chunks, sucking down the choctop icecreams—hell, every movie night should be like that. And it was good to see Jason doing his thing just one more time. I’d forgotten just how great he was.
So y’re probably wondering why the old guy is boring you with his ‘good old days’ schtick , well it’s all David Grove’s fault. Who’s David Grove? He’s the twisted sonbitch behind the book “Making Friday the 13th—The Legend Of Camp Blood” put out by FabPress. (fabpress.com) Grove has put together the ultimate tome on hockey head, his history, and every one of the F13 movies. We’re talking the history of the whole damn thing from the initial ideas for the first flick right thru to Jason Vs Freddy. Actors, directors, storylines, cast and crew, special fx… everyfugginthing you could want. Even the F13 tv series gets a run (‘member that dog?) - jesus there’s even a bodycount!
Groves has assembled photos, posters, interviews, facts, stories… he’s talked to everyone…. The fucker is obviously a fan and he’s put together a book that I don’t think anyone could really fault…he knows his stuff and now so do we… who did what, where they went after, career paths, the good the bad the I don’t want to know, the uncut moments...everyfugginthing, everyfugginthing…
Let me tell you… David Grove has a serious jones for Jason Vorhees and he’s done all of us proud. I don’t know what they have planned next for ol blueballs but you know I’m gonna be lining up to watch it and so will David Grove.