Thursday, April 06, 2006

Suicide Slappers - less bang for yr buck

warning warning warning - rood words and titty talk

This past Wednesday which would purport to have been the 5th of April found me at Fowlers Live to see the farce that is described as the Suicide Girls. For those who don’t know who they are – the Suicide Girls are an updated ‘burlesque’ show – slappers getting their gear off to loud rock/punk music and thus freeing themselves from stereotypes, enriching themselves, claiming back their bodies or some bullshit like that. Basically though they’re strippers. But you don’t say that in front of their fans, oh no, this is a serious artform now, this is punk rock, this isn’t just women getting their clobber off for us to perv at, no its much more than that. BULLSHIT! It was a bunch of slappers whipping out their tits for a bunch of teen jerkoffs (male and female)and some horny old men.
Which is fine, I certainly have no problems with that, what got me was that it was $50 a ticket! Yep, a big yellow note bought you a chance to view some punkrock titty but… no photos, no touchee… in fact you had to check in your mobile phone at the door – can’t have any grainy out of focus, taken from the back of the room mobile photos turning up on some nerdy jerkoff blog – that would ruin the value of the official nerdy jerkoff site wouldn’t it. (And no I didn’t pay – I was actually there to see the support act Dr. El Suavo the worlds greatest parlour magician so he got me in for nix. And he did pretty good too despite technical difficulties and the fact he kept his clothes on. The most tragic magic you’ll see but its all old school fun – magic like when we were kids and by the end he even had some new fans I think and at least one more enemy) $50 bucks and the place was still packed… apparently Melbourne is sold out something like a 1000 people. Haven’t these fools heard of Crazy Horse or Hindley Street or any of those other strip joints?! Fifty smackers and you don’t even get to touch a titty? I’m sure if you’d asked half of that crowd they would find strip joints degrading, exploitative, just not right – places for dirty old men and bucks nights… dumb schmucks, they’re standing up the front like it’s a rock gig watching some bimbos shake their arses and take off their tops while down the road some guys probably getting a lap dance and he’s spent the same amount. And he probably got a girl who’s let the scars heal first.
Am I missing something? Is their something liberating about shaking your baps to a bunch of ‘alternative’ nerds and dirty old punks as opposed to business men and drunks? Good luck to the girls if they are getting more money this way as opposed to the strip joints but come on stop ripping off the dumb kids who support you. For fifty smackers they should have at least got to see a sponge bath, a bit of pink maybe or at the very least some poor bastard on stage fumbling with a bra. You’re not fooling anyone really, it ain’t art, its sex for kristsake just admit it. The only liberating was from wallets.And hell, they weren’t that great titties anyway, there were better looking babes in the crowd that I would have rather paid to see strip. Ah well, I guess I’ve just blown my pc cover but then again I wasn’t up the front cheering on the slappers, I just stayed at the bar and nursed my drink. So you tell me, who was getting exploited? Maybe that is the whole point, and maybe the kids deserve it… schmucks!


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