top ten things that made the time pass by

Top ten things that made the time pass by

1. With Christmas and its inherent festivities there have been quite a few occasions recently where the goodwife and I have had to “frock up” and I’ve had to be on my best behaviour. Now I don’t usually wear collars let alone a bag of fruit but just for these events I do, for the good wife if for no one else. And I don’t scrub up too bad even if I do say so myself, though it’s not something I plan to get used to. The goodwife though, well she puts a lot of effort and thought into her clobber for these events and it shows. At the SA Great awards on Kangaroo Island she looked…well… drop dead gorgeous is the only way to describe it. In fact as she stood at the podium to award a prize a woman at our table leant over and said to me, “She’s beautiful.” And since I’d sat there staring in awe at her all I could do was just nod my head in agreement. That night (and two or three more since) I could truthfully say, “you were the best looking woman in the whole place.” and mean it. She is beautiful and I’m damned if I know how I got this girl in the first place or why she is still with me twenty years later. I’ve given her plenty of reasons to get rid of me but she hasn’t yet. And I don’t have money or good looks and no, that’s pretty average size too (ok maybe a little more than average) so I honestly don’t know what she’s doing with me but I’m not going to question it either. There ain’t much better than watching her walk into a room, watching men turn to look at her and then I wander in and they just go “Huh?”

2. Beezlebubby and I attended another EPW wrestling card this past month – it’s been twelve months since the first show and we’ve been to every one. It’s our night out together, beer, chips, wrasslin’, cheering and I don’t have a bad time either! It was a stinking hot night in an unventilated hall but we had a ball despite all that. Sure some of the wrestlers struggled with the heat and sweat but the final bout with Jag going thru 4 tables from atop a ladder more than made up for the sweat and stink. Damn but these guys get the crap beaten out of them for very little money but we love it. Slater, Cooper, Jag, Havoc … and all the others – I doff my cap to you and I look forward to seeing what next year brings. I only hope that beezlebubby sticks with the wrestling a little longer so we can still have these nights. She’s at that age where appearance is starting to be important and I’d hate her to bow out just because its not cool to be at a sweaty stinky wrasslin show when you could be on the phone for hours with yr friends gossiping. Of course, as long as Robbie Hart, Damien Slater and Jayson Cooper keep taking their shirts off she will probably still want to come along even when it isn’t fun anymore!

3. Neighbours a few doors up have planted Sturt Desert Peas in their front garden. When my father died, his niece brought a foam esky full of Sturt Desert Peas all the way from Broken Hill down to Millicent so we could each drop one on his coffin as it was lowered into that shitty, muddy but well fertilized soil. That ain’t a short trip either buddy, that’s a damn long haul but they arrived fresh and blood red and one by one we shuffled past and dropped them down to say goodbye to him. I haven’t seen one since so each day as I walk past my neighbour’s I check that they’re still growing and nod, thinking how the old boy would have thought it kinda strange to see them growing in Adelaide in some suburban garden. I’d like to knock on the door and thank the neighbours for planting them but they would probably think it kinda strange so I might just leave it for now. It’s not an easy thing to explain anyhow and I probably already seem weird to the people around here since I don’t have any visible means of support (except when I lean on the wall as I struggle to find the keys to get in late at night) I play weird music all day and the house is always full of preteen girls, squealing and playing.

(I’ve still got that foam esky too. It was a damn KFC giveaway, I should probably put the fucker on ebay but I’m saving it so that one day I can have someone do the same for me. Only it’ll be pine cones and pine needles for this country boy)

4. The Publisher and his “that girl is much better than you deserve” girlfriend threw a big housewarming/birthday party pissup a coupla weeks back and it was a pretty damn fine affair. The couples with kids came early in the night, the barbecued dead animal tasted good, the beer flowed, the conversation was good and then as the party was waning and the couples and kids leaving, the work crew arrived from their xmas show and the party kicked on again. Lots of lubrication, fine young things, conversation and cleavage – hell I was even told how wonderful I was (or at least that prick of a poet Kami was told that) the “that girl is much better than you deserve” girlfriend went to bed with a bucket nearby (tequila will do that to some) but the party continued with the hardy few hanging on until the publisher fell asleep in his deckchair at 5am and it was time to go. I worked out the next day that this old man was the first to arrive, one of the last to leave and I’d managed a good ten to twelve cans o’ beer, tequila shots and a bottle of bourbon and was still standing (or at least sitting). So practice does make perfect after all.

5. The thing about myspace is all the “friends” you pick up but have never talked to, heard of, cared about. Initially I joined myspace just so I could stay in contact with David Rat, poet, musician & friend but soon there were stacks of ‘friend requests’ and faces and images and words and “Christ how much shit can these people spread and why don’t these people have jobs” type crud to make me wonder about the whole deal. Lately though I’ve discovered that amidst all the scams and blunders and timewasting dipshits are some gems. Being a writer and poet I keep getting invites to some real lamo blogs and groups but lately the wheat and chaff have been separating nicely and there are some motherfuckers out there that are almost as good as me. Kaplowitz for one! Christ on a crutch but this fucker can nail the words so damn precisely and perfectly and say everything that needs to be said and still have time to look after a two year old.
There’s a couple of others that show some heat and fire but no one is as consistent as this fucker, no one. One day I’m gonna find the money to actually get to that shitty rock on the other side of the world and the first two people I’ll be raising a beer with (the devil willing) will be Rat and Kaplowitz. The rest of you have a lot of catching up to do.

6. At the shopping centre/money sucker/brain destroyer this week I saw a couple of teenage girls mucking about with a wheelchair. Thing was, the able bodied chick was in the chair and the one legged girl was hopping along behind pushing the damn thing! And pegleg was trying to keep her short skirt down whilst hopping. Funniest and coolest thing I’ve seen for a long time. It ain’t ever easy being a teenager but imagine trying to be a teenager amputee. This girl didn’t give a rats arse – she wasn’t hiding her ‘disability’ – hell, she was hopping around outside the bus stop shaking her arse and making as much noise as any of the little jereks that hang around the shops cos they got fuck all else to do. And the skirt was far too short which made me wonder, when she’s sitting in the wheel chair how did she keep her lunch, dinner and tea hidden? Cos while she was hopping and pushing the chair the whole menu was out there for your perusal. Just another loud teenage girly trying to be noticed by the boys. You gotta love it.

7. Beezlebubby has noticed that I have a myspace site and a blog or two and I’m always on the net so she wanted her own blog. Well, she’s got one now, Fuzzylamaduck but she’s not actually sure what she’s going to do with it. Still, it was fun to sit with her and nut out the basics – name, layout, ideas… of course, now I’m gonna have to keep an eye on it cos who the fuck knows what evil lurks out there in cyberdick world but I’m hopin’ she can use it like a journal or summat and get her thoughts down. She’s a creative little bugger but like her dad, she has absolutely no patience and wants it all to be perfect first time. I’m hoping this is a step into design and words and all the cool shit like that rather than just the mindless, aimless, disposable world she’s being bombarded with all the time.

8. I survived yet another year on this planet and to celebrate/commiserate went and saw the Back Seat Romeos and the Dead Popes Of The Vatican play at Enigma last weekend. There was a good crowd of friends, fiends and some nice eye candy (thanks to that poet again), I had my brand new SEP tshirt to wear,the bands were seriously “on” and I had a ball. Well, the bits I remember were good. Unfortunately as usual I overstayed my welcome and the last couple of hours are gone except for the bruises on my leg and the lump on my head. Ah well, that is what birthdays are for after all.

9. The SEP t-shirt came along with a stack o’ cdr’s and a couple back issues of confederate mack from Psy/opsogist at Solaris Earth Pipeline. I don’t think I’m gonna be able to keep these guys secret much longer. I remember telling a coupla folk that night to check out the sight and download the album. I hope they take my advice. I like a lot of music, some good, some bad and trashy, some great. SEP are in the great pile. Redneck hiphop philosophical lounging is the easiest way to describe them I guess (ok maybe not but they don’t fit into any boxes and that’s what I like) but what should be remembered is that Raven Mack may just be a mad fool redneck with a messiah complex but we shouldn’t forget about the beats behind him cos Psy/opsogist has really got some serious music happenin’ behind it all. He knows his stuff and he obviously loves his music. When I get time to sit back, suck down some beer and give this stuff the attention it truly deserves I might be able to tell you more but until then you should just check it out yrself you lazy fuckers. I ain’t gonna be here for ever to point you in the right direction!

10. Those blessed Marion markets once again provided me with jewels to behold. This week it were DVDs. Three in fact, all crappy Eurotrash, uncut and ready for some late night brews. Panic Beats by Paul Naschy, Jess Franco’s Bloody Judge (starring Christopher Lee!) and Lucio Fulci’s Voices From Beyond. Sure, they’ll all no doubt be badly dubbed, poorly acted and entirely unbelievable – what’s yr point? I don’t care for a grade movies anymore, I don’t want Hollywood computer generated heroes and monsters – I want the old fashioned pump the blood through the back of the shirt gore, latex and imagination – and this shit is as good a place to start as any. And anyway, I was hungover, it was hot and they cost me 14 bux all up so hell, why not buy ‘em?