HE’S NOT THE MESSIAH HE’S A VERY NAUGHTY BOY

Joe Strummer - The Future Is Unwritten

D: Julian Temple 2007

Ok, lets get the luggage out the way first…I am biased… I do not think that Joe Strummer created heaven and earth and everything inbetween… I also think julian temple is an overrated, undertalented git who’s main claim to fame is basically his ‘friends’. He was in the right place at the right time. And actually so was Joe. At least this film does reveal some of his foibles and doesn’t always paint him as Saint Joe creator of punk rock, the universe and everything but it comes close sometimes. So we’ve got that out the way lets get on with the review…

Joe Strummer it turns out was really a middle class white kid who’s main gripe seems to be that his parents put him into a boarding school! Sure they aint great places to be in but the little fucker had already traveled the globe as a tacker with his diplomat father so what was his problem? I think it was really because he was a bully in school so he had to come up with some sort of ‘cover’ for his behaviour. Oh whoa is me, I’m in a boarding school while my dad the diplomat travels the world and I had to bully other kids to protect myself… fuck off ya git! So then he gets out goes strolling across the country and ends up squatting in London.

You get the feeling thought that Strummer (or Woody as he was in the hippie folk days) wasn’t squatting because he needed to, it was just the ‘done’ thing. He’d already roamed the country side being a troubador, squatting was next and then wow , this punk thing seems like the go – new name, new mates (and ditch the old friends rather harshly) and off for a jolly jaunt as a punk rocker! And though he moans about making it big in America – he wanted to crack the US in the first place so what was his problem? Simple solution, don’t go there to make it big then you wouldn’t have had to worry about all that money and fame (and oh that we should all have that problem). Really he’s revealed as a bloody hippie, a spoiled little white boy, a school bully and a bit of a moaner. And its always someone else’s fault.

And now I’ve got the moaning out the way I’ll say hey some of this weren’t bad – I like The Clash (‘specially the first two albums and even London Calling though it aint the motherlode everyone says it is) and there is some great footage, some early history, some good interviews… pity about bono and flea claiming that the clash inspired them to form their own bands (for giving us U2 and Red Hot Chilli Peppers Strummer should be burning in hell right now!!! Instead of being held up as some sort o’ holy leader. ) but he can’t have known that was going to happen can he? And its funny to see some of the faces looking old and fat now…so much for live fast die young leave a good looking corpse!

So anyway if you’re a fan of the band or the man or the era you’ll probably enjoy this – it’s a lot like Temple’s sex pistols flick, lots of clips and cleverness and soundbites and aren’t we clever sods but it’s a night out I guess. Though I’d rather just get drunk and listen to the records.

Oh and for you new kids – no the clash didn’t invent punk rock but they did make it more commercial.

Top Ten things that have made the week worthwile

1. Antony Eli Dolan Hier’s continuing recovery. Born 7^th September 2007 with a complication or two, like a collapsed lung and a serious infection – the little battler is now well on his way to being just your usual screaming, shitting, feed me machine – damn good news.
2. She Said What? Market day at Urtext. The publisher and I set up a stall at the market next to Karl (A Perfect Gentleman – and never was a man better named) and just relaxed. Sold a few things, met a few people, chilled, ate free sandwiches and watched the next batch of kids keep the fire burning. As an old fart I can get very cynical at times (Just in case you missed it) but the Urtext crew are still full of fire and passion and have yet to be beaten down. For a change I’m not gonna take that away from them, in fact I feed off of it a bit and keep myself going.
3. And Karl, well he is just the perfect gentleman, I have yet to hear him say anything bad about anyone nor anyone say bad things about him… hmmm, is a serial killer perhaps, I don’t know but its always a pleasure to see that grin approach. And to paraphrase Publisher, Karl is one of those guys who supports everyone. Whether it’s the literary stuff we’re trying or music or a zine… he’s there doing his bit, buying, trading, acknowledging it all. Sadly a lot of folk just seem to be in it for their patch o’ dirt and they pay scant attention to anyone else’s dirt but the Gentleman, he likes to dabble in all the dirt.
4. Picking up copies of the old Search And Destroy zine at She Said What? Just to reminisce a bit, and then getting the new Analogue Apocolypse zine and seeing their improvement. A.A. has the look of the old cutnpaste punk zines and hell, they even name dropped me so I gotta say it’s a good zine – but you know what? It actually is.
5. Catching Dead Popes Of The Vatican at the Jetty Road pub Saturday night. Just simple 1234 rock and roll from a bunch of miscreants who are just out to have a good time. They covered Psycho and Nice Boys Don’t Play Rock and Roll so that oughta give you an idea of where their heads are at. (and they did a good job on both) they aint gonna change the world and they know it. No illusions of grandeur just good pub rock. And then sitting around talking real estate with the boys – jeez, we’re getting old!
6. Picking up the September issue of Excitement Machine and finding three of my pomes in there! I didn’t know they had accepted them, let alone published them. Nice surprise. Excitement Machine is a free mag put out from Urtext – don’t know how they manage to keep the quality up but they do, lots of great art, interviews, a sense of fun… support the little buggers so they can one day say, “hey we published kami before he was famous!”
7. Getting a care package from Dann (Betty Paginated) Lennard. Wrestling dvds, the first episode of The Contender 3 and fresh pics of Jones Jessica Lennard. It seems that the good wife and I were ahead of our time (well, she was I cant take any of the credit) now there’s kids popping out everywhere, real estate sales, everyone settling down. She’s just a trendsetter! (and I just mope along for the ride)
8. Beezlebubby’s continuing (unrequited) love for wrestler CM Punk. Dunno what she sees in a tattooed, straight edge, long haired git like CM but she adores him. Well at least it seems to be taking the heat off her other unrequited love Ryan who is a year older than her and himself infatuated with a fellow grade sixer. Beezlebubby’s in grade 5 and thus doesn’t cut it. Still, give her credit, she’s stuck to her guns all year despite knowing she has no chance. And Ryan, well he’s a pretty boy but he’s thicker than OJ Simpson’s case file.
9. Doing a pub review (it’s my job) and discovering a local pub that has a mofo big screen, puts on the boxing and is a twenty minute walk from home! And I’ll get paid for the discovery.
10. The Kangaroos making it to fourth. Sure they went out with a whimper but hell no one tipped them to even get to the finals and there’s a lot of other teams who didn’t even get that far so up yours, we’ll take it as a good year. And the Mighty Mossies won the b-grade and senior colts premierships so it wasn’t a bad year at all Go you zooeys!

top ten things that made it all worthwile

Top 10 things that made the week good.

1) my daughter beezlebubby who’s now 11 going on teenager pulled up a chair and sat and watched Friday night fights with me. We’re going thru a rough patch with her trying to strike out already for independence and me being a stubborn, selfish prick who wants things his way and no other way – lots of yelling and “that’s not fair” and all that but there she was Friday night in her chair sharing the big bag of potato chips and asking about the fighters, the rules, who I was barracking for. (she hasn’t quite got her head around the idea that you can watch a sport without having to necessarily follow one person or team over the other but that’s ok) and it was so damn good just to relax for both of us (and the good wife who sat back and watched it unroll) and enjoy the moment even if she didn’t quite understand it all. I need to hold onto that when I am struggling with the whole parenthood/father/letting go/ do what I say schtick that I get stuck in.

2) stumbling onto Raven (Confederate) Mack’s blogspot. Confederate Mack zine was a major moment for me a couple of years back helping me to get my head around a lot of strange ideas and giving me the push to become more of a lounger and less of a worrier (though the good wife would probably laugh at that). Raven is a mad ass dreadlocked whiteboy lounger redneck rapper housepainter cum philosopher ninja – part acid casualty part whitetrash messiah and damn I like how the fucker writes – be it about music, brew, hiphop, American football, politix, wrestling, whatever… there’s just something about his style that tickles my funnybone and makes me think. And he’s big on top 10 lists so I guess this is my tribute o’ sorts.

3) Suckdog – Drugs Are Nice A Suckumentary DVD. Lisa Carver’s book of the same name was a great read – a fucked up 80s girl who found her way via ugliness, insanity, music, drama and choosing the most fucked up friends she could find. This doco cum home movie features some truly insane footage of her and friends in action with film clips, interviews, the lunacy that is Costes and just a shitload of “holy fuck these people are nuts, how did they even think of that” laugh out loud madness. And all without an arts grant! Bodily fluids, opera, punk rock, homo erotica, giant penises, violence, punker kids, nothing is sacred.

4) Unbelievably Bad #6 – who else would even put sadisitik execution on the cover!? What I like about UB is that even when they interview bands I have no interest in (like all the new shitcore,thrashcore,whatevercore bands) they do such a good job of it that I then do want to hear them… luckily I’m so lazy that I don’t ruin the moment by ever getting around to it and can just imagine that maybe these guys are good. But the fuckers also throw in the best of the old farts too… a great and reverent mix of music, film, cult bastards of all persuasions and Editor Danger Coolidge can actually string a few words together too which is a rarity in a lot of zines these days.

5) Cheap cds. Been on a bit of a cheap spending spree and last week picked up some beauties for fuck all, most for $2 some even less. But the best of it would have been The History Of Country & Western Vol 12 (1946) which did cost me the princely sum of $3 but has twenty vintage country tracks from the likes of Hank Williams, Chet Atkins, Merle Travis and more – all 1946, 47 all original – now I just gotta track down the previous 11 volumes!

6) Naxos Nostalgia – Children’s Favourites – cost me $1.25 (4 for 5 Bux deal) Jerry Lewis, Danny Kaye but the best bits Mel Blanc doing “I Tawt I Taw A Puddy Tat” and the Teddy Bear’s Picnic by Popeye! As a kid I got teased with the Popeye moniker on account o’ having all my teeth extracted due to calcium deficiency. I was six years old and we all know kids can be cruel. Hell its our job isn’t it? Anyway, I copped plenty of stick and didn’t think much of Popeye for awhile (though curiously a mate and I loved the whole Wimpy “I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today” routine. Hell, we started eating hamburgers just cos o’ Wimpy) but now I can appreciate the sailorman and this track cracks me up.

7) Adding an extra ten pounds to my bench press making it 130 pounds. Sure it ain’t much in the real world but it makes me feel good to be able to add that little bit extra. And no I don’t know what it is in kilos, probably fuck all, the set I have is so old its in pounds, its metal and its rusting but its heavy enough for me. I started doing the weights to just get a little fitter, to be able to keep up with the drinking and partying (you know, get fit so you can get fucked up) but then the good wife started commenting on the muscle tone and we all know how the male ego works! So now I’m taking it much more seriously (well as seriously as an old fart with no time management skills and a lazy arse can) I eat better, I buy the protein mix, I try and add that little bit of extra weight or at least one more set to a session. And I’m starting to see some results. And more importantly so can the good wife!

8) That feeling of just maybe having got the words right. Been working on my long suffering manuscript Fists OF Love this week and I think I’m getting somewhere. I’ve been guilty of letting this story out early but now its just about ready to go. And as much as I sometimes hate them right now I’m back in love with Jason and Cindy. It’s a frustrating process having the idea and the people there but not being able to articulate the story enough to get someone else to see it the way I do… I think I’m getting closer though.

9) Cruising down south with the publisher and the kid for a poetry slam. Just the drive, stopping at a pub at Yankallilla for hot chips and a (light) beer… lots of bullshit talk, payouts and friendship… watching the kid develop, seeing the publisher finally getting his dues for years of unpaid hardwork… we ain’t in this for the money, we like words, we like the power of a story, a book, a pome… little trips like this make me realise what we are doing it for.

10) Ant’s ongoing recovery. My good friends Mike and Roosh had their first child last week but there were complications and it was touch and go. Young Antony is a fighter though (he shares his birthday with Sugar Shane Mosley) and he looks like he’s coming good. These two are the sort of people that as soon as you see them together you just know it’s right, they should be together – but they’ve had their share of ups and downs. Now its looking up and I’m so damn happy for them, they deserve it. And really this should be up the top of the list with sharing the boxing with beezlebubby. ‘nuff said.

whatever happened to the revolution?

HAVE YOU HUGGED AN ANARCHIST TODAY?

so I’m sitting here in a house barely four years old, at this flash new computer, flat screen xp windows (pirated of course) listening to the toe cutter cd I bought in Melbourne on the weekend, just started work on an article for a glossy mag, pile of books next to me (again purchased on the weekend trip to Melbourne) cds teetering on the shelf on the right (all country or alt country – my latest “thing”) feeling all anarchic and revolutionary and wondering whether I’ve got time for a coffee before I pick up my daughter from school. (One more stamp and I’m eligible for a free cuppa!) I’ve been checking my email spasmodically as I await word on whether an interview I did on the weekend will get into another glossy (thus paying for my spending frenzy in melb) and I’m just thinking… wow man, you are so alternative in yr sun ra t-shirt, with yr gacy paintings and yr chomsky diatribes and yr oh so witty angry old man routine… I tell you some days I’m so cool I freeze myself out! But the question is… what do I do instead? I’m too fucking comfortable to give this up, especially since I don’t actually pay for a lot of it. I work sort of as a freelance writer in between writing Bukowski knock offs and vacuuming the floors, but I’m really a housewife when it gets down to it. I do the dishes, cooking, cleaning, nose wiping etc… the wife has the corporate job, the car, the perks… I walk or ride the bike, do the shopping, get my daughter ready for school… yep, I abhor the “system” yet I make my daughter go to school each day and then try and undo the damage done later… I’m not a leftie as such cos I hate the hippies but I sure as shit aint right wing either…I’d like to save the world but I’m only prepared to put in a token effort, nothing too taxing, expensive or that will take me out of my comfort zone, you understand. I get totally fucked off at the way the arts scene takes the piss out of bogans and westies and country hicks but I’m no longer a bogan anyway and they scare me too sometimes. I hate the glass teat but we have a motherfucking bigscreen hd tv in the lounge and I’ll suckle on it with the best of them…even though I believe nothing they tell me. I don’t trust either side’s opinions anymore. Religion scares me yet I find myself every now and then offering a silent prayer to god or heysuez or the devil to get me out of some fix I’ve got myself into. I have no alternatives to offer yet I’m constantly bagging the current status quo. I think today’s muzak sucks but I hate nostalgia for its own sake and I have no taste/too much taste/bad filtering anyhoo. I haven’t read the “greats” but I pretend I have.

I hate other people’s opinions but I constantly seek them out to confirm my own. I think myspace/ blogs/ facespace whatever the hell it is a waste of time and money and just an advertising tool but fuck it, I still have a site and I check it constantly. (hell I’ll probably post this there)

I’d like to think I was a sociopath but unfortunately I’m too much of a softie. I’m not a misogynist but I am unashamedly heterosexual, which let’s face it, is just an excuse anyway.

But then hell I’m the housewife so how does that work anyway? I’ve discovered over the years that just being comfortably white makes me racist. I don’t mean to be, its just there sort of underneath. Like the fear those arty types have of bogans I guess, that’s the fear I have of other cultures, other races, hell anyone else who isn’t on the same page as me. I understand things need fixing but I’m too lazy, too tired, too old, too comfortable, too scared, too… something… to do anything much about it. Lets face it, I’m just a bad tempered, ill advised, poorly educated boofheaded bum. If I was an American I’d probably be a serial killer. Instead I’m a sort of pseudo-bogan/pissant intellectual house dad. Just who the hell am I trying to please? Whoever it is, they ain’t coming forward and I’m going backwards.

Christ on a crutch, I might just break out that new Suckdog dvd I picked up, watch it while I finish my protein drink and pretend I’ve achieved something for the day before I start on tea. That’s probably the best I can do right now anyway.